The Darkside of the Ball

Under Paul Ince, Blackburn have managed only 3 wins from 17 Premiership games and the club are in big trouble lying second bottom in the table. Their last

Love him or hate him, or suggest that he's pretty much the best footballer ever to grace the Premiership - there's no doubt that Cristiano Ronaldo has been known to fling himself to ground a touch easier than many other players in the league.

Or conversely that despite his magnificent talent, he's a whinging little cheating fu*k

I'm saying nothing (ahem) as it's a Friday and I'm too busy preparing for tomorrow's exciting clash with Watford (oh dear)... Here's a video, apparently made by Unknowngenius1985 - that investigates a number of his techniques....

Thought you may want to see it..Oh - and watch out if you have sensitive ears, as the music backing does contain MANY profanities...

It seems that David Beckham’s up for a rollicking, balls out, stiff upper something good time when he finally shifts his tired old legs over to AC Milan – as connexion.org report that there’s a whole lot of prostitution going on in Italian football...

Discussing an article reported in national ‘haterag’, The Daily Mail, they say that a male hooker, who is also a 3^rd division footballer, says other players pay him for sex after games. The prostitute, who prefers to go by the moniker of "Victory" says that the gay sex romps take place in locker rooms, hotels, etc.

Boasting of a big client list that includes a number of Serie A, and even internationally renowned players – he says "we're talking about more than just kissing"! Alledging that a number of the players involved have...

So what's eating Roy Keane? Did he walk because he couldn't take the pressure of Premiership management? Unlikely, he dealt with some pretty intense pressure as a player at Forest and United, and (apart from the Haaland incident) didn't boil over too often. If you don't count every other game as too often.

Is it because he doesn't like losing, and like some 8 year old kid who didn't win at Hungry Hippos has upended the board, sent all the little balls flying, and has stomped off to his room to sulk? He could still be there, sitting on his bed, staring at the wall. Maybe his wife has sent him there and told him to 'Think about what he's done'.

Or, maybe he's just a very challenged individual who, for whatever internal reasons he has, just walked away. Maybe he has inner demons that told him it was time to go. We'll never know...until his next book.

What do you think? 

Not only do we at DSOTB get to an awful lot of football matches between us, we're also hungry drunks - and while necking the customary couple of pints at half time, we have been known to indulge in a pie or twain. Therefore, this feature is going to illustrate just how good they are (out of 10) - with a two word, or less, response to the (put on big booming space like voice here) PIES of THE WORLD.

First up Reading at the Majeski Stadium vs. Coventry on Tuesday... and this 'little beauty'

Rating: 3/10 - Response: Tawdry Mess

 If you've eaten a pie (or are heading to a game soon), take a picture - write a 1-2 word review and send us the evidence. You too can be a part of dark side's crusade to find the NATION's BEST PIE (yup...

Anyone got any money on which Premiership Christmas Party is going to lead to most rape allegations this Xmas? We suggest Big Phil Scolari may have some on his own boys, as he’s recently banned the horny pair of Didier Drogba and Nicolas Anelka from attending Lil’ Wayne/ Akon’s big Christmas party taking place in Christmas week, no doubt ensuring that the boys will be hammering some piece of cheap capital hooker (who are relying on footballers, as the credit crunch is biting hard) come their own party paid for by the big-money boys at Stamford Bridge.

It’s a shame for them, as it sounds like the shindig is going to be big news – with the rappers even importing snow from Greenland to give it a real festive feel. An anonymous source suggested that "The footballers were really up for a big night out but the bosses have said no", ensuring that they won’t be hobnobbing with the likes ...

A quick look through the list of transfers for the month of November (thanks BBC Sport) reveals some names that you'll all recognise, but attached to clubs you might not expect. At this time of year managers give out and take on more loans than an American bank, and some of the players traded this month, well, should be doing better, quite frankly.

We're talking ex-Premiership names and almost-made-it guys. Those who keep cropping up in the 3rd round of the FA Cup (most memorably the legendary Julian Dicks turning out for Canvey Island, clearly having joined the Pies And Guinness Appreciation Society since leaving West Ham). Take a look at the list.

Gifton Noel-Williams from Millwall to Yeovil

Darren Ambrose from Charlton to Ipswich

Darren Byfield from Doncaster to Oldham

I remember at the precocious dawn of Robbie Keane's career when Alex Ferguson said that the Irish dynamo wasn’t worth 6million pounds. Indeed, that smug Scotsman suggested that ½ a million was more towards the mark, and that our Robbie would be more suited stuck in the reserves for a couple of years.

Now the smug gobshite has suggested that he doesn’t recognise City as a major threat, asking "where are they at the moment? Our threats are Chelsea and Liverpool, who are sitting above us. The money is for the future. Mark Hughes must decide how it will shape his team. At this moment in time, that is not the case."

What happened to the humility of taking every game as it comes? Especially when the Red Devils are shy of a few points at this stage of the season. I only hope that the Blues (who I have absolutely no affinity with - honest) fuck them up good and proper on Sunday! And I'l...

According to The Daily Record there's some dodgy goings on at FC Copenhagen where the co-owners BN Agentur (try a Google image search) have been awarding the lads with win bonuses money can't buy. Well it can, but you wouldn't want to be a top flight footballer caught buying it.

The team that now includes Niclas Jensen (ex Fulham and Man City) and Jesper Gronkjaer (formerly of Chelsea) now have an extra incentive to win as every time they do, two 'arthouse' films are played at the training ground. Whether this involves a mass participation viewing, or private screenings are arranged is as yet unclear, but the chairman...